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In Fighter Pilot Heaven:

• Everybody's a Captain except God.... He's a Major.
• You only come to work when you're going to fly....
• You fly three times a day except Friday.
• You never run out of gas.
• The missions are only one hour long and no briefings are ever required.
• You are always on TDY and there are no check rides.
• It is always VFR and there are never any ATC delays.
• You can fly out of the area and flight down to 50' AGL is approved.
• There are no "over G's".
• You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20', then break left.
• You can go cross-country anytime you desire. The farther the better!
• There are no ORI's (Operational Readiness Inspections).
• There is no SOF (Supervisor of Flying) or mobile tower duty.
• There are no Friday meetings, but Friday evening "Stag Bar" is mandatory.
• There are no Flight Surgeons.
• There are no Wing staff jobs.
• You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open.
• "Happy Hour" begins at 1400 hours and lasts til 0200 hours.
• Supersof is the bartender. The other five are big-bosomed blondes.
• Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents.
• The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.
• The girls are all friendly and each fighter pilot is allowed three.
• There are no fat women and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.
• Country and Western music is free on the juke box.
• The craps tables are always HOT and you never lose at blackjack!
• You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded at the club.
• The sun always shines and you can put your hat in your leg pocket.
• Flight suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.
• The motor pool always provides a staff car for visiting fighter pilots.
• The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for. Most are free.
• There are never any cross-wind landings and the runways are always dry.
• Control tower flybys for a wheels UP check can be made at 600 knots.
• There are never any noise complaints.
• Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.
• ER's (Efficiency Reports) always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer".
• Formal functions requiring Class "A" or formal attire never occur.
• "Ace" status is conferred upon all fighter pilots entering Heaven.
• There is no Hell.
• All air traffic controllers are friendly, and always provide priority handling.
• The airplanes never break.