StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor

Return to Humor Index

Staff officers say the strangest things..... (UNCLASSIFIED)

Discussion Board on this Military Joke

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

This is the first in a series of collected comments, made by American staff officers since 9/11, overheard and herein assembled for your edification, amusement and horror.

The original author of this collection wishes to remain anonymous, and thus preserve his promotion prospects.
�
"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him." Maj� (EUCOM, European Command, which is in charge of American operations in Europe)

"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so� many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force� Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi� Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too� much...

"Our days are spent trying to get some poor,� unsuspecting third world country to pony up to� spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed� off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their� legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign� occupation by a country for whom they have nothing� but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition� building

"OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) will continue to drive this cart into the ground� long after the wheels have been sold on E-bay." MAJ� (JS) on the progress of FIF (Free Iraqi Forces)

"Please don't laugh. This is my job."�� Maj (EUCOM) from Protocol, explaining in great detail� the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs

"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US� citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..."� MAJ (JS) on the� often-frustrating process of� building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV

"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only� take a minute." MAJ (EUCOM)

"The only reason that anything ever gets done is� because there are pockets of competence in every� command. The key is to find them...and then exploit� the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM, Central Command, which is in charge operations in Iraq and Afghanistan))

"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy� set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)

"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue� if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ� (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary� is likely to proceed by air vice sea

"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in� place until we rot."� LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command

"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO (EUCOM)

"So, what do you wanna do?"...
"I dunno, what do YOU� wanna do?"...
"I dunno,� what do YOU wanna do?," etc. COL (DIA) describing the� way OUSD(S) (Undersecretary of Defense for Strategy) develops and implements their strategies

"Let's face it: Africa sucks..."�� DOS representative (Bureau of African Affairs) at a� conference on Africa

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII